


The Hardest Part (Is Leaving You)

by novocainlullaby



Series: Tyler Joseph Deserves The World [1]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Cancer, Character Death, I just have a lot of feelings okay?, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-02
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-10-27 05:43:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10802937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/novocainlullaby/pseuds/novocainlullaby
Summary: Tyler Joseph deserves the world.So why is the world so against him?





	1. Everything Will Be Alright

**Author's Note:**

> i've just been listening to the twenty one pilots cover of "cancer" a lot and it inspired me to do this. i know it's very cliche, and probably been done before (because i am not original) but here we are anyways! please enjoy, leave kudos and comments if you have liked this (or if you want to punch me) and i'm sorry. thank you. side note: i wrote this in the notes of my phone and i divided them into just short little drabbles so, i'm sorry if formatting is garbage. i'm tryin my hardest.

“It’s okay, little baby sips, Ty, there you go–” Josh practically cooed as he helped the man beside him with the small plastic cup of water. He feared he wouldn’t even be able to lift that–-after all he weighed a meek eighty-four pounds at the moment.

He was small enough to begin with, so when the chemo started to wear on him, he didn’t have much left to lose.

He’d been diagnosed about eight months prior, saying it was easily treatable. (Josh hadn’t believed it for a second. He knew the worst was inevitable.)

Still, they braved through, took everything day by day. Tyler went to chemo once a week, trying to treat it the best they could with all the medicines they injected him with, names all too long to remember, let alone attempt to pronounce.

He’d been doing good. It was just a little bit of cancer found in his breast tissue–lots of people fought breast cancer and made it out alive. That gave Josh a lot of hope.

So why was he sitting there in a hospital chair, watching the man he loved withering away into nothing? Where did it go wrong?

He knew when.

The tumors were shrinking. Things were getting clearer, scans were getting better, life seemed brighter. Josh noticed the twitch of a frown on the doctors face before Tyler had, too overjoyed with the fact that he could eat without the urge to throw everything up soon.

It was roughly ten minutes before the doctor came back, but to Josh it felt like time had stilled. He was pulled back into the hall, the news broken.

“Fuck,” he cried, voice shaking and palms slamming into his eyelids as he pushed the tears away. “Did you check? Double check–triple check? Please don’t–”

“We’re very sorry. He was doing well, he has been over these past five months, you’ve seen his progress. It was tremendous. There must’ve been a growth while we were treating his breast tissue and–”

“How the fuck do you miss brain cancer?” Josh practically growled, suddenly snapping. This wasn’t fair.

Tyler didn’t deserve this.

He deserved all the happiness in the world and more, he didn’t deserve to hurt.

To be in _pain_.

To **_die_**.

The doctor left shortly after, Tyler still in the examination room, obviously dearly confused. It was just a regular scan, just to see how everything else in his body was doing.

Tyler didn’t cry when he heard the news.


	2. There's A Light (It's Your Smile)

He knew, like anything, it would come to an end. He knew he was going to die. It was a matter of when.

He’d been being treated for eight months now. On the bright side–his breast cancer was almost all gone. If only his brain could find a way to cooperate, too.

Josh stared at him, a permanent frown settled on his face now. He always feared it–that he’d blink and it’d be the last time he saw Tyler.

He knew he was dying.

He knew there was nothing he could do.

He wished it didn’t have to hurt so bad.

But, he could only imagine it felt similar to what Tyler was going through.

He had good days.

Days where it would seem like he’d pull through. He’d laugh and eat, talking to Josh about a funny pun he’d read online.

(“Hey, Joshie,” he’d laughed. “Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?”

A wide grin had spread on his face. “I don’t know, TyJo. Why can’t you hear when pterodactyls go to the bathroom?”

Tyler could hardly stop laughing. “Because the ‘P’ is silent!”)

He wished every day was like that.

Sometimes Tyler would wake up not remembering him. He hated those days the most. Those were the days he’d make some sort of bodily function on himself, not meaning to, and not knowing how he came to that point.

Today was an okay day.

He was sitting there, holding his hand and stroking the back of it with his thumb.

He’d lost all his hair by now. It seemed to even disappear from his legs. He kind of looked like a naked mole rat, Josh had thought once. He was still the most beautiful thing to him.

“Do you feel okay? I don’t want the water to upset your stomach, but you need to stay hydrated,” he murmured, concern laced heavily in his tone.

Tyler nodded weakly in response. “Well, I haven’t thrown it up yet, that’s a good sign,” he smiled over to him.

It wasn’t the smile Josh remembered. Just the one he’d had to get used to.

His usual one was so warm, he’d pretty sure it could melt an iceberg. It could power a million homes across the globe. It could heat every log cabin for the winter.

Now it was small and frail, like the man who donned it had grown to be.

“I’m sorry,” Josh whimpered all too much.

Tyler did **_not_** deserve this.

They both knew there was nothing they could do.


	3. Don't Let Me Be Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope it's okay that they're weirdly divided like this? as previously mentioned i wrote it on my phone and these looked like good little breaks. just tiny drabbles and baby chapters that probably could've been fixed into one page, but whatever. thanks for sticking with me!

It was hard to tell when the end would come. He’d have a few good days in a row, and they thought, maybe he’d beat it. Maybe by some chance, by some miracle, it’d just disappear.

No.

They’ve never been that lucky.

There was a particularly bad night that will forever be etched into Josh’s mind.

Tyler’s breathing had slowed to nearly nothing. It was already a bad night–he’d wet the bed twice already. He just shut his eyes for a moment, Josh allowing him, hoping it’d give him some time to rest. Before he knew it, the machines attached to the poor boy were going haywire and a team of medical staff had surrounded him.

“Don’t let him be gone,” Josh pleaded. “I didn’t say goodbye, I thought he was just going to sleep!”

He blamed himself.

He shouldn’t, really. Tyler needed his rest. He wouldn’t know when his last breath would come.

It hurt Tyler, too. When he was aware of it, he was in pain that was excruciating some days. The cancer had bubbled down to his blood.

He was counting down the days to go.

“This isn’t living, Josh,” he whispered to him one night, the dull lights above his bed the only things illuminating Josh’s tears.

“I know,” he whimpered, hiding his head in his hands. “Fuck, Tyler, I’m so fucking sorry. I wish I could–anything. I wish I could do anything! If me ordering a soy latte five years ago instead of a regular would’ve prevented this, I’d do it! If I never became a drummer and got stuck in my parents house for the rest of my life I’d do it, if this could just stop!” He finished with a heavy sob, making Tyler’s heart ache.

He didn’t deserve to go through this. He was a burden now.

“I know,” Tyler whispered to him, hardly audible as he tried reaching for him. Josh sniffled and clutched onto his hand. “I love you, Tyler Joseph. I love you so fucking much. We’ll get through this, promise?”

His smile, not the one Josh remembered, made its way onto his face.

“I promise.”

He couldn’t.


	4. I Love You (Please Don't Go)

Josh surprised him one day. He was so close.

He’d brought a bouquet of a dozen roses to his bedside, and when he’d finished admiring them he saw Josh on a knee.

“Will you marry me?” He gulped out.

“Josh….” he said softly, unable to have the heart to tell him. He knew he wasn’t lasting much longer.

He accepted, despite that fact.

“I’d take your name,” Josh said during that afternoon, a gentle smile gracing his lips, watching over Tyler as he always did. “I’d do anything for you, Ty. You’re the love of my life.”

“And you’re mine,” Tyler squeaked out, holding onto his hand.

Josh leaned forward, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

His cheeks.

The tip of his nose.

His lips.

Tyler Joseph suffered, very heavily.   
Tyler Joseph knew he didn’t have a lot of time.   
Tyler Joseph wanted to marry Josh Dun. His boy–his fiancé.   
Tyler Joseph wanted to be happy. He had been happy.

Tyler Joseph couldn’t fight any more.

It’d been a grueling year, an excruciating process of hell, drugs, MRI’s, and everything in between.

He had only been engaged for roughly two weeks when he passed.

Josh screamed at his bedside. They’d been talking about the wedding–how eager they were.

Josh knew he’d never marry.

He liked to believe he would’ve married Tyler. Maybe have a kid, but start out with a puppy.

He liked to imagine him making breakfast for his husband and waking him up with peppered kisses along his face.

He wanted it to happen more than anything in the world.

Tyler’s eyes had sort of glazed over. He looked petrified. He knew. Josh knew.

“I love you–” he choked out, and Josh was quick to return it.

“I love you! Tyler! Tyler, please, please, I love you!”

His hand went limp in Josh’s as he passed.

Josh had to be escorted from the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry.


	5. What Do I Do Now? (That I'm Without You)

Maybe that had been close to the pain Tyler had felt for a year straight. He didn’t know. He felt the pain as a constant now–the numbness acquiring to his chest.

It was a lovely funeral. If funerals could be lovely, that is.

Tyler was donned in one of his favorite outfits. It buried him, he was merely skin and bones as he passed. The sizes were already an extra small, and Josh smiled faintly at the idea of having to buy a children’s tuxedo for their wedding.

Their wedding.

Of course Josh spoke. Surrounded by Tyler’s sister and his brothers, his mother and father, family and friends. He would’ve liked it this way.

Everyone passed with heartfelt tears, a hand brushing his coffin, some touching Josh.

He didn’t know what to do.

What was his life without Tyler? He had to do something.

Sure, he didn’t have to constantly worry any more, but fuck, he’d take the suffering and worrying over this.

There was nothing more he could do.

He know that Tyler Joseph died loved. While it was extremely unfair, he died engaged. He died next to the love of his life, and his best friend.

Josh was glad he wasn’t suffering any more.

When would his end?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so....SO sorry. this is the end of it and i'm sorry for it!!! like you guys don't understand how much i sobbed during this i had to mute myself on facetime with my girlfriend because i didn't want to wake her up from crying LMAO but yeah....i just got a lot of ideas and feelings and
> 
> now you all get to suffer with me (': 
> 
> kudos/comments are so appreciated!! thank you so much and i hope i can contribute more to this fandom!!!!! <3


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